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Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships?

victims of domestic violence

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? This is a question the whole world asks. Society does not understand it when a woman is being beaten back and blue and yet chooses to stay in an abusive relationship.  When people see this they blame the victim. They say comments like all she has to do is leave or maybe she likes the abuse that is why she stays.

Who in their right mind would actually like being abused? Imagine being in a relationship where everyday someone calls you ugly and stupid. Imagine that you try to participate in a conversation with your partner and every word you utter is treated as if it is worthless.


Imagine that you want to leave but every time you want to leave your partner threatens to kill you and beats you up every time you tell them you are leaving. Imagine that you tried to leave your partner already and he followed you to your friend’s house and dragged you back home. Imagine that every time you leave he finds you. Now do you understand why women stay in abusive relationships?


Don’t stand by and judge abused women. Educate yourself and try to understand what they are going through. Many women who leave abusive partners are harnessed, stalked and eventually murdered by their abusive partners. You’re dammed if you stay but still dammed when you leave.

This is not to say that any woman who is being abused should stay in an abusive relationship. No one should stay with an abuser. Some women have to travel and live very far away in order to get away from their abusive partners.


Many women stay in abusive relationships because they are terrified that their partners will kill them if they leave because of all the threats their partners make when they tell them they want to leave. Some women develop low self-esteem because of the abuse and have been so broken down by their partners that they lack the spirit and will to leave.


Other women may not have anywhere to go. They may have been isolated by their partners and do not have any friends or family to go to if they were to leave. They may lack information about women’s shelters and refuges. Some women’s partners control their finances and they may not have money and as a result may not leave because they are dependent on their partners financially.


There are many reasons why women choose to stay in abusive relationships. So I say to society don’t judge them. Help them to leave their abusive partners and escape being in abusive relationships.


Why do you think women stay in abusive relationships? Feel free to leave your comments below.


Find out more about how to find a good partner and avoid abusive relationships by visiting ebook healthy relationships.

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5 Comments Already

  1. Yes all these points are true and valid information and can also link to same sex relationships, gender related relationships even friendships.

  2. some women don’t realize that they are in an abusive relationship when they live it day after day. The challenge is that it’s not always bad; when the abuser is happy and the abused behaves in the that is expected then life is good.
    Men who abuse lack self confidence and have no respect for themselves or others. They expect perfection from those he controls so that he feels he is contributing. Those he controls might even begin to feel that they can’t function without that direction, this article puts a lot of this into perspective.

  3. Sometimes because of isolation from friends and family, a victim feels she has no where to go an/or no one to help her to leave, so she stays. My staff just worked with a client to escape for her life to another city. We were only able to do this because another agency assisted with the purchase of three bus tickets, friends of our agency provided luggage, we provide a gift card for food while traveling, and an uncle in another city provided his home in secret from the other family. She left her job, her apartment full of furniture and took only the clothing she and her two children could pack in three pieces of luggage. Even though she knew her life was in danger, she could only leave because she had help. Otherwise, she would still be here in St. Louis. All of our shelters were full to capacity, and our nights of safety program was also at its capacity. So there are many women who would leave, many want to leave, but have no where to go or assistance to get there. Maybe one thing that should be focused on is “not why do women stay in abusive relationships” but how to provide resources so that many of them can escape.

  4. It is often a combination of reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. Often it is habit, fear of how they would cope outside the relationship. Economic dependency . Low self esteem, perceived lack of external support systems. Fear of change. Shame… Plus it can also be that the abuser is not always violent or abusive and he or she can have periods where they treat their victim alright and life can then have calm and pleasant periods. Then there can be the hope that things may change.

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